I know this will sound completely bizarre, but I can't help but feel slightly unworthy to be on one of the most beautiful campus grounds in Western Canada. My day consists of the glorious sound of silence and is carried forward by both the classroom work and the daily office.
I feel as though I am floating on some imaginary cloud...
After Anne and I finally managed to arrive in one piece (not that we doubted or anything)... we settled into our suite. Being completely honest, as soon as I met the other individuals who were taking part in the course/retreat, I think the phrase "slightly intimidated" was an understatement. There are three of us who are not ordained (granted, the other gentleman has more education in theology than a lot of priests I can think of) and there are only two of us whom find ourselves under the age of 45.
With no real structure or class taking place on the Tuesday upon which we arrived, we began our studies yesterday with the Desert Fathers and have continued them today with Evagrius and the Praktikos. WOW!!!!
We have read the Life of Antony, a young man who literally was converted to the Monastic life through the death of his parents and whose life and maturity are two things that an aspiring Christian could only aim to tread ever so slightly.
Along with Anne and the others, I strive to grow through the practice of "asectism" (or a word that is spelt completely differently that refers to athletic training in the spiritual practice and life), while growing and centering in morning, noon, evening and compline as well as a daily Eucharist. It is absolutely glorious and I dare say... one of the most educational and growing weeks I have experienced thus far in my short life.
Tomorrow we will begin to look at St. Augustine, then start into Benedict's Rule... each lunch hour, a book is read - similar to what would have happened in Benedict's time and we are encouraged to keep silence as best we can. (Granted, email or blogs would of course, be excepted).
Last night, I had the amazing priviledge to study and cantor with our teaching priest, Compline. I don't think I was able to calm the excitement down enough to sleep until the wee hours of the morning this morning... it was AWESOME!!!
My thoughts and prayers go out to all those at General Synod this same week - I don't envy you at all, but instead, hold you in the highest regard. May the Spirit be with you as you continue to decide on our journey in faith as a community united in Christ.
cheers!
Jun 2, 2007
Vocare
Last Sunday was Pentecost and last Sunday was also the day I spent the afternoon and evening at Star of the North Retreat Centre in St. Albert (my old stomping grounds) for what was called a "Vocations Conference."
I feel as though I can not say anything too horrible about the whole thing as the idea behind the conference was geuine and because I also understand the logic in holding such a conference.
HOWEVER, I am having a really difficult time with what I have come back from it with and the questions and queries it has brought out of the woodwork.
In a quick attempt to find some way of figuring it all out, I would like to post the prayer that we were given prior to entering the final evening prayer session:
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and
the fact that I think that I am
following your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so.
But I believe the desire to please you,
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust in you always.
Though I may seem lost
and in the shadow of death,
I will not fear,
You are ever with me.
And you will never leave me to
face my perils or call alone.
Amen.
Profound, huh? I thought so... when I read it, I thought that I might as well have been Thomas Merton writing Solitude!
I feel as though I can not say anything too horrible about the whole thing as the idea behind the conference was geuine and because I also understand the logic in holding such a conference.
HOWEVER, I am having a really difficult time with what I have come back from it with and the questions and queries it has brought out of the woodwork.
In a quick attempt to find some way of figuring it all out, I would like to post the prayer that we were given prior to entering the final evening prayer session:
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and
the fact that I think that I am
following your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so.
But I believe the desire to please you,
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust in you always.
Though I may seem lost
and in the shadow of death,
I will not fear,
You are ever with me.
And you will never leave me to
face my perils or call alone.
Amen.
Profound, huh? I thought so... when I read it, I thought that I might as well have been Thomas Merton writing Solitude!
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