Isaiah

Just when I am ready to throw in the foot-drying towel and raise my hands with exacerbation, and cry, "the church is full of human beings"... I am caught, pulled back in, and winded - all at once. 

If the past few days have shown me anything, it is that the "church" as we know it (in whatever expression we participate within), is made up of none other than human beings.  I think that once upon a time, a university chaplain tried to explain this to me, but I wasn't ready to hear it.  It is a realization much like the one I had when I first learned that Adam and Eve "may not" have actually been two, real, walking and breathing human beings.  *GASP*

It's true though.  I went to church every Sunday and firmly believed that "if" Adam and Eve were two fish or apes rather than human beings, my faith was no longer valid.  I don't know why I thought the Bible had to be read literally, but when I found out this was not true, my brain sort of exploded.  

The "human being composed church" realization is a lot like the Adam and Eve one. For the past 23 years, I have gone on believing and proclaiming that God is found in a church.  Slowly, over time, I came to accept the presence of God outside of the four walls and residing more precisely, within each human being that composed "the church".  And now, this most recent ideology might not be true either.  

I am grabbling with the idea that God created us IN HIS IMAGE, not as spittin' replicas of himself.  It is this reason that the phrase, to err is human, stands true.  We are human - (unless there is something you are not telling me) and we all make mistakes.  It's who we are... we will fall, stumble, groan, complain, and make horrible mistakes along this path.  Some of our mistakes (sins) will without a doubt, affect those around us.  I get that... 

What I don't "get"... is how there are actually church leaders out there who can pastor and shepherd a congregation, all the while believing that someone else's mistake has affected them personally, take rude offense to it, and walk away.  I understand that they too, are human - and have been given free will and choice in life.  But honestly, it doesn't speak much for the church you represent if those hurt on a greater caliber, are willing to stick it out and support the stumbling - while you are cutting loses and turning your back.  

Then again - maybe I just don't understand the human condition enough to be able to understand the actions of a few.  And so instead, on this Monday of Holy Week, I am standing in the middle of a desert, lost and searching, and kindly yelling, "Let my adversaries confront me" (Isaiah...).