Until the time when I finally graduated to having my own room in the basement, I had the honor of sharing with my next youngest sister and best friend Kristin, aka "Boke."Whenever one of us couldn't sleep, we would read the other one our favorite stories. I always chose the Velveteen Rabbit or the Princess and the Pea. If that didn't work or she didn't feel like reading, she would start to sing or hum the all time favorite song, "You are my Sunshine" as we learned from my grandma as soon as we could talk, I'm sure. We took pride in memorizing all the verses and singing it when we were camping in the pouring rain.
Well, I have a confession to make. Adjustments had to be made when I moved into residence life and my sister was not on the other side of the bed or right next door but 45 minutes away... in a car! Laying there, if the thumb sucking and blanket suffocating the face while twirling the hair didn't work, my next option was going for a walk or run... yes, even at completely horrid hours of the night! (Just ask Sister-in-Japan about late night walks!). When both of these methods failed in sleep aid, there was always cleaning. Sweeping, scrubing, dishes, vacuuming, anything that I could do that would completely and utterly exhaust me.
Well, we have a slight complication to all this and I fear that if I don't do something soon, the energy and strength to put my socks on in the morning or tuck Booker the Bear in at night will soon cease to exist.
Last night I returned to classes... it was nightclass - nice and small with only 8 people (the prof included) and got home shortly after 9pm. Completely (and I truly mean there was little to nothing left) I crawled up to bed, and shivering... slid under the electric blanket the Holy Mitred One lent me. With my coat and scarf still on I dosed off.
BUT, as soon as my thumb went to my lips, I woke up in tears.
Apparently one of the side-effects to chemotherapy is that the patient "may develop mouth sores". May?? Really?? The really stupid, annoying, painful thing though is that they have progressed from small little sores to being swollen and excruciating. The entire one side of my mouth is swollen from my teeth to the roof of my mouth. There is absolutely no thumb sucking because as soon as something (and something is really anything) touches any of these burning areas of my mouth, I can't help but cry. It is the same sort of feeling that comes when you put rubbing alcohol or hand sanitizer onto an open cut - even as small as a paper cut.
It hurts and it hurts horribly.
And, there is nothing you can do but "wait it out" JOY!
This is the same reason that food has absolutely no appeal, drinking juice, anything cold, anything hot... anything. I can get past the sore throat, I can get past the complete lack of energy and painful coughs and sneezes, the sore muscles, the horrid bruises, and the lack of hair to not twirl.
This is another can of worms.
The last two nights have been long, tear filled and painful. Especially when one starts to dose off and forgets the "don't you put it in your mouth" rule that is now in place. Maybe I should take up knitting... although those needles are pretty sharp - knowing me, I would wake up after falling asleep while knitting - with two needles jabbed deep into the flesh.
Amoungst the other ailments, perhaps this would go un-noticed though...
Hmmm....
No comments:
Post a Comment