I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that I am holding seeds that need to be scattered.
... the seeds are sticking to my hand!
Just kidding. But all joking aside, it is slightly frustrating to know that I am holding the seeds to plant in the garden, the sun is shining, the weather people are forcasting rain (although we all know that they don't always know everything), the soil is tilled, and everything seems as it should.
Why then, can I not cast them?
I know with all my heart that I can talk about leaving discouragement behind and finding a new hope, and I totally know that I can write about my trip with cancer, and Christians in community... well, I'm a Christian and I definitely know about communities - being totally uplifted by them and all. And having prayed about two of three, I am confident that I am not alone and like Jeremiah (not the fish, the prophet) the Lord will work through my words, but I just can't seem to start.
The deadline for the "trip with cancer" is Monday and so in an attempt to write it, I began floating through old blogs and re-living the experiences that seem like forever ago. It's hard to imagine the first experience of hair loss now as I have been without for ages and the fear that ate me up each night when I am on the highway driving straight for the turn-off that reads "Remission"...
It's hard. Typically my creative juices flow during a run - that's how I have written all my best papers, class projects, youth reflections, talks or articles.
Hmmmm.... how else can I dry my hand off so that the seeds will no longer stick? Perhaps I need not worry about casting them in the right rows or places, not be concerned with how many I throw each time but rather, just begin to cast them and leave the rest to God.
I have a feeling that's how all great gardens are made, not because of the planter but because of the maker.
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