The 1 Millionth Psalm

"I heard there was secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord..." (from Hallelujah, as seen in Shrek)

Relationships are a funny thing.  For when a relationship is blossoming well, all we want to do is sing the praises of the other person or how wonderful life is.  However, when relationships are hurting in some way, we exhaust ourselves trying to figure out how to "make things better" and return once again to that state of wonderful elation.  Yet, in our efforts to "make things better" or return things to the way they were, we so often get disorientated and get confused on which relationships we can affect and which ones are out of our control.  

On Monday, I literally will have spent 8 months agonizing over broken relationships with human loved ones.  I have tried to come up with various solutions and possible answers on how I can repair these relationships.  Everything from starting anew to pretending we had never met...all the while, ignoring the one, single relationship in my life that I actually had some influence upon. I don't think that the 8 months was necessarily "wasted" effort and time, I'm just kind of ashamed to admit that it took this long to realize which relationship I needed to put my energy into saving.  

And so... comes the creation of The 1 Millionth Psalm.  A song, a prayer, a heart - crying to God. 

I am well aware of the fact that the Bible contains 150 psalms and that a number of musical artists have written "151 Psalm"... but 1 million seems like a safer number.  It is a number that acknowledges the fact that after everything, I don't deserve to be 151st or 152nd or even 999 999th in line to bring my song before our God.  It also acknowledges that there will be time to ultimately prepare for that journey to the altar, for I believe it will take longer than 30 seconds for God to hear the psalms 151-999 999 and work with the psalmist. Which, in frank honesty, is what I need.  

However, all that blabbing aside it is written and ready for the day when it is my turn to approach in timid fear and sing it before the Lord, my God, the only true shepherd of lost and wandering souls.  And without any further adieu, I share with you... The 1 Millionth Psalm.

The One Millionth Psalm

2009

My faith was tried, my heart is cold

Running away from Your Fire of love. 

And now I sit,

On the edge of abyss,

Waiting for You to take me home. 

Oh my God,

Take me into your arms again

Oh my Lord,

Take me, and call me yours.

In this great mirror of life,

All I saw was me, O Lord.

But now I know,

I was wrong

Cause others...

Always shine of you. 

Please grant peace to those in life,

the loved ones I hurt

Heal their pain

with Your glowing love

Shower,

their paths with grace.

My eyes are healed,

the mud has cracked.

I can see Your Light, O Lord

But my soul,

it`s got a hole

Upon Your mighty altar, 

I lay it.