Years ago, I had a very dear friend and mentor who was considering a huge decision in her life. She was also a huuuuge Bryan Adams fan. So, being the typical, encouraging friend that I was, I made her a CD of "Vocational Songs" in which it included some of her favorites... some common title songs that could very easily be vocational songs... and some just hilarious and awesome songs that were sure to make her smile. The title track was Bryan Adam's "I'm Ready".
While the song appears to be most relevant to a relationship of some kind, it doesn't entirely apply to my situation, and yet, I can't help but feel that same sense of "readiness" that he sings about so confidently.
My day started by reading one of those generic emails that sends a quote to my inbox every morning. This morning, the quote of the day read:
"Don't prepare. Begin. Our enemy is not lack of preparation; the enemy is resistance, our chattering brain producing excuses. Start before you are ready" (Steven Pressfield)
This really set the stage for the remainder of my day. I spent 12 hours on the unit whereby two of three of my patient's were cleft palate repairs. While these are *usually* the patients that I dislike the most, it's because it's such a difficult hospital stay for the patient, the family, and the family's support system. Imagine being 9 months old (the child is most successful if they are a certain size and developmental stage for surgery, typically around the 9month mark) and "set in your ways". Because you were born with the condition, you have adapted and learned to bottle, suck, play, LIVE with a cleft palate (of varying degrees).
And then, someone tells you that you can fix it!
The infant comes back from surgery with arm splints (from their armpit to their wrist) that prevents them from lifting their hand to their mouth and playing with stitches, etc) on both arms, and having to relearn how to eat and drink. The pain is manageable. Honestly, you could rotate between tylenol and advil and the child would probably be okay... it's the same sensation as having braces on... there is movement, there is "newness" and there is bone altering. It's uncomfortable.
However, the most distressing things to the child seem to be that re-training of how to drink a bottle, how to get through life without being able to really move their arms in a functional manner.
After spending a solid 45 minutes with new parents who were distressed by their son's inability to soothe, I went on break and read an email from the program south of the border.
They had emailed responses to my questions and somewhere along the line, I made the comment, "Recognizing that I am over reacting/worrying about something I need not...."; their response made me fall flat on my back. "You diagnosed it right, do not worry/overthink...We do it for a living all day long"
All. Day. Long.
It made me smile. And realize that really, I was no different than the parents. As the nurse in the situation above, I know what the typical stay for a cleft palate looks like... I can describe any aspect of the experience, assure family, and really... when it comes down to it, it is my responsibility to keep their child safe and healthy for that 12 hour day. I know what I'm doing. I've gone to school, I've passed exams, I've done this before... more than once.
My situation with this program was more similar than I was willing to believe initially. They are professionals. They not only know what they are doing, have not only gone to school and written exams, but they come highly recommended. It is clear that they are just as vested in my well-being as I am.
There was a huge sigh of relief. Now I feel that I'm ready to trust the process, trust the professionals to lead the way, and trust the outcome that is mine for the taking in the next year.
And besides, if I'm not 100% ready, I just need to start. Stop overthinking, stop my brain from running resistance and unhelpful commentary, and just start.
Just.
Start.
Why?
I'm ready!
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