Perhaps it is because rather than running around on the floor tonight, I am sitting in a quiet room with only the sound of this patient's oxygen blowing... no other responsibilities but to ensure his health and wellness overnight.
Perhaps it is because I am subconsciously longing for a secret, quiet moment in which I am not trying to plan out a hundred things and my lengthy "to-do" list.
Perhaps it is because I was meant to listen to this song... dig it out of the archives of praise music and really listen to it.
Or, perhaps it is a culmination of all three.
Here's the thing...
As of late, I've been feeling that calling... that urge to step up to the plate and truly go to bat for my relationship with God. To stop making up reasons why I can't bat... can't run the bases... can't secure a home run and to just 'get 'er done'; ultimately, I recognize that the ownership is on me and God is ready to put me in, throw the perfect pitch, and then stand on home plate, eager to celebrate and rejoice with me in the successful run scored for the team. However, my own insecurities and doubts are triumphing and so instead of donning my crisp uniform and lucky bat... I am hanging out in the back of the dugout. Just chilling and cheering on my team.
Then, I got an email. And I swear, if God is anything like the goof in Bruce Almighty who types prayer responses on a keyboard... it's clear that this email was from God himself.
I have been worrying about my trip to New York. Worrying about my passport, the flights, the taxi ride from the airport to my friend's place... worrying about what to expect when I meet the people I am going to see, worrying that I am not prepared or ready enough for the journey, worrying that I will get completely lost in the middle of a huge city, and become a missing person. Granted, I am staying with a friend so hopefully she won't let me get 'too' lost... but still.
Today I received an email from two wonderful friends... they are two individuals that I grew up idolizing when they sang music on Sunday morning in church. When I finally had the opportunity to actually PLAY music with them, I was in shock and choked on my own words. Two very incredible people and friends.
She emailed to say that they would both be in New York overlapping my stay there and wouldn't it be great to meet for tea? Three Canadians drinking tea in a fancy city like New York together?
And while none of her words stated it directly, there was this immense sense of peace that came over me; it was so incredibly articulate - as if to say, "I will never leave you alone, lost, or in a desert of 'new' beginnings and healthy journeys. I know you are not ready to take my hand, so instead I shall send my angels to watch over you, journey alongside you, and be available for a cup of tea should you need to".
In the words of Hillsong:
In the silence of Your majesty,
In the splendor of Your holiness,
In the stillness of Your glory,
Let me hear Your voice,
The gentle whisper of Your voice.
In the splendor of Your holiness,
In the stillness of Your glory,
Let me hear Your voice,
The gentle whisper of Your voice.
So if you are sitting over my shoulder and reading this, let me say this... Thank you. Thank you for recognizing what I need and providing it before I can even form the words to ask. Thank you for understanding that while I am not ready to step out of the boat or into the game yet, I am truly grateful for your Fatherly love and concern for my well being this next week. And thank you for doing all this is a quiet and subtle way... I'm not one for flashing lights, frying pan headaches, or fire and brimstone; the gentle whisper of Your voice resonates in ways words cannot describe.
Signed,
Your Reluctant and Journeying Daughter
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