Lesson of a $100

Tis a new season, and with a new season comes new colours; I tried for nearly an hour to figure out how to get everything that is orange - to be bright green but it sadly was not working out for me. It has been a very long time since anything new was posted on this blog so for those you just joining now, herein lies reflections primarily on my journey in faith. When I have nothing positive to say about my faith journey, my nursing thoughts find their way onto here. Essentially, I have been told by numerous people that I ought to write a book one day... and this is my way of keeping the potential book material, all in one place.

Tonight, is a reflection on what started to give the jump start back 'home'.

There was an old priest who was taken from his home parish to preach in a smaller, more rural and remote parish one Sunday morning. When the Rector's Warden called the old priest to arrange the details of the service, he made a point of telling the priest that the people of the community were hurting and torn apart. The preacher responded in a peaceful, "thank you".

Saturday afternoon, the day before the service, the priest was seen walking through the countryside; a parishioner stopped him and asked why he wasn't at the rectory, hammering out the details of his sermon. The old priest smiled, "I just had to pick something up for tomorrow morning, now I'm all set." With that, the priest and parishioner went their separate ways.

Sunday morning came and after the Gospel was finished being proclaimed, the priest reached under his robes, and pulled out a freshly minted $100 bill and asked the congregation, "Who would like this $100 bill?"

People all over the church shyly raised their hands. He said, "I am going to give this $100 bill to one of you, but let me first do this..."

He proceeded to crumple up the $100 bill, then he asked, "Who still wants it?" And still, hands went up in the air. "Well... he replied..."

"What if I do this?" and he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" he asked. No one lowered their hands.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson; no matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it never decreased in its value. It was and still is, worth $100. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt, by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless, but no matter what has happened or will happen, you never lose your value. Dirty, clean, crumpled, or finely creased... you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE... Children of God."

Thought provoking.

Picking up the Pieces

After spending a weekend away, I came home to a room that needed some TLC before the upcoming week got too crazy to give it some proper attention. I unfortunately discovered this the painful way.

When I stepped off my bed to be able to sort through the laundry from the weekend, there was a sharp, shattering noise and a few seconds later, an immensely sharp pain on the bottom of my foot. Without even looking down, I knew what had happened.

Last week, in the flurry to pack and leave as early as possible, I accidently dropped a Christmas ball (like the ones you hang on your tree) that I received from a lady at work. It had shattered and while I thought that I should clean up the pieces at that very moment, I didn't. I simply promised myself that it would be the first thing I did when I got home.

But I forgot.

And now, I was paying for it. As I tried to pull the shattered glass out of my heel to bandage it up, I realized yet again - just how relevant this life moment was symbolizing something more; it was reflecting the current state of my spiritual life. Symbolically, it was not my foot that was hurting, it was my heart.

I kept telling myself that I would tend to an important relationship later. Tomorrow turned into the next day, which turned into the next major feast, which quickly slid into the next month, and then the next year. And, here I am - on the Sunday night - realizing that I have waited too long to pick up the pieces. Broken, lost, tired, sore, and now bleeding... I am faced with an extended healing period that will require more effort and TLC than if I would have just picked up the pieces over a year ago.

A year ago, the pieces were manageable - they were large in size, and low in number. And now, having walked on them, they are tiny shards that will require a careful eye and gentle fingers and probably a vacuum and a whoooooole lot of patience and perseverance.

But, I learn the hard way.

At least I learn.... kinda.... sorta....

That said, I am about to drop to my hands and knees to start a long and tedious healing process. As soon as I get a bandaid and some polysporin, that is.

Muppets, Church and Belief

This will be a short post as I only woke up a short time ago and have to run through the shower before my dad gets back and we go to look at cars to replace the one that was totalled last week. (Stupid truck drivers!)

Yesterday I took one of the ladies that I support to mass. It's funny because although we are entirely two different people, her and I seem to understand one another on a level that is not quite where other team members see themselves.

Anyway, there she was - blessing everyone who would make eye contact with her, singing to hearts content (though completely out of key and incorrect words, it did not matter), and giving thumbs up to the guy behind us because he had a "lovely singing voice". She was smart enough to put two and two together because when Fr. A started talking all about "preparing the way", she tugged on my sleeve and not-so-quietly whispered, "we have to prepare for the Baby Saviour. He comes at Christmas, you know!"

It was a powerful moment on this advent journey for me because although we were sitting there for her that morning, I had a "Grinch moment"... you know, one of those moments where my heart grew three sizes.

There was Fr. A, preaching in a church that I left years ago to pursue a dream, speaking to a heart that has been self-inflicted with grief, hurt, and pity; nearing the end of his 10 minute homily, I could truly feel my heart getting warmer, praying for a sense of cultivation and watering.

"Fine. If you have crooked ways that need to be straightened, by all means, straighten them. If you have rough paths that need smoothing, then smooth them over. But do not do all these things in order to prepare to be touched by the Christ child at Christmas time... do these things because you are obsessive or compulsive or both, ok? God does not want you to come to the manger all high and mighty with all your affairs in order because then he cannot help you. He wants you to come, with all your crooked and imperfected ways, for it is only through the cracks that the light can shine..."

Left me a ponderin' late into the night last night and still sits heavy on my heart this morning. Maybe there is truth to what he was saying... I'll keep you posted.

Speechless

Well, all in all... it was a pretty good night.  At the last possible moment before leaving for ball tonight, I got an email from my supervisor saying that the schizophrenic role that I portrayed on Tuesday with my mom, "Maria" was so stellar, the medical faculty wishes to arrange a taping of the two of us to send out to other cities in the program.  Which, after I finished I laughing, was a huge sigh of relief and affirmation.  We'll see if that actually transpires or if they were just kidding...

Then, headed over to the ball diamonds, where we trounced the other team a whopping 13-4.  And, better yet, I contributed to the run total!  

I then had a 20 minute drive to reach destination "x" in order to drop off the S.L.S. Survival Kit. At which point, surprisingly, panic set in.  I had honestly only known "Maria" for a total of maybe 3 months - and even then, only saw and talked to her a small handful of times (less than 10!).  What if.... what if she was the not the heart I was to touch, the outlook I was to affect, or the life I was to give just enough to?  The shocking part in all this is that I did something that I haven't done in almost a year... I asked a friend to pray for Maria's heart to be open and willing to receive what was on it's way to her.  I kid not, I was literally shaking as I pulled up to the address which I had written on my arm; I nearly tripped on the flat sidewalk, over my own two feet.  I knocked on the outside door, fought the temptation to run, and after standing there and working to build up my confidence - pulled the outside door open just enough to reach the doorbell.  

Sweet!  No answer - I can put the bag between the two doors and she will find it eventually.  However, heading back to my car, the door opened and I hear, "hey!".  Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit... I'm busted.  Do I get the car and speed off?  Run as fast as I can on foot and pretend that's not my car?  Ohhhhh crap!!  Nope.  Didn't do any of those things unfortunately.  I turned around.  Oooops.  Maria wanted to know what this package was and so I started explaining it, but told her it would all make sense when she opened it later.  And so... we talked.  

She opened my eyes to the reality that people on commercials don't usually use the product themselves.  Like hemorrhoid cream supporters on T.V... prolly don't even have hemorrhoids; Ellen most likely doesn't use Covergirl, defying aging cream and actors on coffee commercials probably don't even drink coffee.  I decided... I'm going to write to Ellen.  

Watching a sports car go by, Maria made a comment that hers was better - and I thought it was a joke.  She normally bikes everywhere!  At which point, she opened the garage and... there it was... (drooling!).  She asked if I had time to go for a ride - and when I made a kind of squealing noise, I think she took that as a yes.  Off we went... AAAA mazing!  She is racing it on Sunday and invited me for a ride-along.  I wish I could put into words how excited I am. 

Whether it was conversation, riding along on the open road with the windows and top down, or the gift that just kept on giving... she was laughing and crying and laughing.  And, I received the greatest compliment of all time... "you should go into business doing this sort of thing.  Really, I mean it!  I LOOOOOVE this!"  She kept all the little notes that went with each gift, setting them carefully on the coffee table to show her other half when he gets home.  

Life is way too short to spend everyday of our busy lives always looking in or down.  And I got the impression that although she may never actually use any of those ridiculous gifts, a pretty rough week may have been turned around... if only for a moment.  Well, this ordinary person is off to bed.  Life needs a' ponderin', sleep needs a gettin', and maybe (just maybe), someone needs a thankin'.  

Feast of the Ascension

Yesterday, by my calendar, marked the Feast of the Ascension (which in most churches, will be carried forward to this coming Sunday). While I have made the choice to work on Sunday in a job that is 100% secularized and removed from any thought of Christianity, this doesn't keep me from quietly marking this feast day with a day of reflection and introspection.

I was raised with the teaching that the Feast of the Ascension is an important feast for two reasons:
1) It is a pivotal point in Christian belief and doctrine that Christ rose from the dead, ascended into heaven and sits on the right hand of the Father. To not believe this would probably be heresy!
2) That Ascension is always a "forward-looking" feast. Unlike a lot of the other feast days within the Christian Church that mark a memorable occasion or individual, Ascension marks the beginning of the first novena for Pentecost. Just as Christ prayed for the Holy Spirit to descend upon the apostles, we too pray, that the Holy Spirit may enter every avenue of our lives, guide our steps, and transform our very being.

And it is this latter reason that has really got me thinking.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to play music for a Confirmation Mass in which 50 some grade six students were confirmed in the Roman rite. The Archdiocesan bishop was unable to attend, so Bishop-Emeritus of a Northern most Diocese who was passing through town took the service. A French Missionary Bishop, +C. For some reason, I cannot get his sermon out of my mind... and it is this sermon, that has been the starting point of reflection in the days leading up to Pentecost.

He started by reminding the confirmands that there is one, single, unforgivable sin: a sin against the Holy Spirit. (Theological training has taught me that "a sin against the Holy Spirit" is any sin which ultimately denies the presence or work of the Spirit in one's life...) He then proceeded to explain what the Holy Spirit was. To do this, he told a story.

"Imagine with me for a moment. It is summer time and your parents are sooo delighted that you made the choice to be confirmed in the faith, that they tell you they have a special vacation planned for you and your family. You are all going to drive to Vancouver for a week. You've never been to Vancouver and so you are very excited to go. Now, as you are driving, you have to go through the Rocky Mountains. And while you are driving along the road, your sister points out her window and says, 'I see a moose, waaaaaaaay up on the mountain'. The whole family strain to look out that side of the car and people say, 'oh yea... there is something up there!'. You remember that you packed a pair of binoculars, so you pull them out of your bag and look up to the top of the mountain. And there you see, a mother bear and her two young cubs. Excited to share this beautiful sight with your family, you pass around the binoculars. At that moment in time, the Holy Spirit is a pair of binoculars. You see, the Holy Spirit will come into your life in times where things are blurry and will provide clarity. And I promise you, the Holy Spirit will allow you to see the most beautiful sights, just like the binoculars will allow you to see a mother bear and her cubs.

Now driving a little further, it is a lovely sunny day, and Mom says, 'I packed a picnic lunch for everyone, let's have a picnic!' Finding a nice little park in the mountains, a blanket is pulled out and a wonderful lunch for everyone. But in the excitement to leave, no one packed utensils. All of a sudden, you remember that you packed your Swiss-army knife. Pulling it out, you use the fork for a bit and then pass it on so that others can eat and when it comes back to you, you change it to the spoon, have a few bites, and pass it around again for others to use. In fact, when it comes time to open the pretend bubbly, your knife even has a corkscrew. In this moment, the Holy Spirit is a Swiss-army knife. The Holy Spirit will equip you and enable you with tools and gifts to be shared with others. The Holy Spirit is a gift and begs to be shared.

After lunch, you are driving further into the mountains and as the day gets later into the afternoon, the sun is getting lower and lower. Soon, Dad says, 'I think we may need to stop for the day. The sun is blinding me and I can't see the road and we might go off the road or hit an animal. It's too dangerous!' Taking your handy sunglasses off your head, you pass them up to the front seat for Dad. At this moment, the Holy Spirit is a pair of sunglasses. Sometimes in life, danger will be looming right around the corner. Temptations will be glaring and blinding, but the Holy Spirit will be there to once again make your navigating safe and remove the blinding ability of temptation and sin, doing it's best to keep you on the straight and narrow to your destination.

Once you finally get into Vancouver, you decide that it's time to tour around and see all the magnificant sights. There is the park, the aquarium, the ocean... so many things to do, and so little time. What to do and where to go? Not wanting to waste too much time driving around on busy streets and getting lost, Dad runs out to the gas station on the corner and returns with a city map. At this moment, the Holy Spirit is a map of Vancouver city. The Holy Spirit will guide you through unknown territory with incredible precision and grace. It will guide you where to turn and how to not get lost along the way to the final resting place we are all headed to. The Holy Spirit, unlike our own desires, will never lead you astray..."

This was the basic summary of his sermon and from here, he explained to the students that Confirmation was the receiving of this Holy Spirit into their lives and journeys. Truly one of the most incredible Confirmation sermons I have ever heard... and more importantly, one of the first sermons I have actually listened to since early October.

It may seem like a simple, assumed fact to most - that Holy Spirit is all of this and more, but when you are driving along, take a wrong turn (followed by a long series of wrong turns trying to once again find your way), get utterly and completely lost... when the sun is shining and you are blinded from reading the roadsigns that you whiz by, and now have no idea where you are, how you got there, or how to even start getting back... the sermon is a kick in the teeth.

I get it. I'm not stupid. The Holy Spirit is the Robe of Righteousness that we are given when we enter the banquet hall for the feast. The Holy Spirit is that tiny voice inside your heart that leaps for joy when God is recognized in a spring rain, a field of sprouting crop, or in the voice of a friend, calling to say hello.

But what I don't get, is how I can possibly be standing in that group of disciples 9 days from today, to be showered and empowered with the Holy Spirit. I want to see the bear with her cubs, to pass the knife around the picnic, to not be blinded, and to have a map to guide me back to the place I made the wrong turn so I can be guided through life on the right path once again.

Maybe 8 more days of reflection might tell me how?

Lenten Reflections

It has just been one of those reflective kind of weeks where I momentarily ponder what I wanna be when I'm "all growed up" while filling out applications for summer employment everywhere imaginable.  

And... on this Friday afternoon, I've never been more convinced that if I ever have the opportunity, I will mass produce and distribute t-shirts with the upside down slogan

"IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!"

screened across the chest.  This would allow the wearer of the t-shirt to be reminded of this simple fact every time they tied their shoes, looked down at their feet, or fell flat on their face.  

Don't get me wrong - I love the liturgical season of Lent, a season of introspection, personal reflection, and personal growth in a way unlike any other season of the church year.  It is a time set aside where we can look inward, re-evaluate, and adjust.  

However, beyond the soft smell of springtime and new growth from within, I can't help but wonder if we should maybe distribute these t-shirts to people at the beginning of the season.  I would hope that in doing so - it would prevent the unnecessary naval gazing and over-excessive personal negativity that comes when people go ONE step too far.  (or two or three or four...)

*sigh*

Well, maybe it's just me - but honestly - there are two VERY different kinds of reflection, introspection, and evaluation that we (as Christians) can engage in.  There is the kind that, unfortunately, becomes all about us.  It's all about how we feel, how our world is changing, how we feel left out, left behind, or left field; this reflection focuses on how something is going wrong for us or how we can't seem to clear our heads.  Alternatively, it can also be the kind of reflection that leads us to believe that something is wrong with the world just because it's not how we used to experience it.  

The other type of introspection and evaluation is what I like to call "prescription eyes" reflection.  It's that kind of evaluation where we finally get our eyesight check out, realize how blurry things were for us and how clear they are now; this allows us to not only see and experience our present situation more clearly - but lets us look back upon those fuzzy moments that require a healthy dose of "corrective eyesight".  

The problem with the first kind is that we get too caught up with ourselves and actually begin to live in a pretty dark and negative world.  This is when we need a friend to slap us silly, as hard as they possibly can, teach us how to kindly apply this slap to ourselves, and scream, "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!"

Some people seem to get it after one conversation, but after this week, I'm left wondering why some people insist on saying that their way is the only way or who agree that they need to change their way, but actually do squat about doing it.  

In my humble opinion, perhaps this video is a suggestion of a better way of reflecting upon our Christian lives and journeys.  And for all those out there who need to hear this the most, but won't ever read this blog... may the Triune God apply the appropriate reminder that in the end, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THEM!!

A Journey of a Lifetime

I believe that I have alluded to this journey before now, and if I haven't, then I hope that this brief explanation will make some degree of sense.  This past Advent season, I had the incredible blessing of walking a sister through Advent.  The journey was facilitated through a rather "P.S. I Love You" type fashion with cute, little, neon green envelopes and letters.  It was also met with the occasional little tangible reminder of that week's theme, just in case reminders were required as the weeks progressed.  

Regrettably, through a series of unfortunate events in my life, I was never able to send the final, Christmas Eve package.  I then thought that I could send it for Epiphany, however, that too fell through.  It will still get sent, I just don't know when.  And, as far as that goes... it is quite evident that this message was supposed to be delivered way before now - and probably not in the form of an afternoon blog entry - but I've got to work with what I have.  So... I am open to your feedback, please let me know what you think about this... 

I have a little wooden creche in which I have stuffed some fake straw from Michael's (the craft, expensive, superstore).  Underneath a small section of burlap, where the infants head would lay, there is a small piece of mirror.  

Why?

Well, because this sister's journey was about a deliberate walk from hectic chaos, to the side of the manger... to journey back to that incredibly silent and amazingly holy night to look into the innocent and loving face of our Saviour.  I have a theology of ministry in which each one of us is born with a tiny piece of mirror, often found in our soul.  This mirror is responsible for reflecting out to the world, the "image of God" that rests within us.  Because we are human, each one of us was created in love and made in the incredible image of God.  As we engage this seeking journey we call life, we reflect the piece of God within us to all whom we meet, and we learn a little bit more about God viewing the mirrors of those whose paths cross with ours.  

I am a firm believer of this.  That God resides in each one of us, reflecting the true essence of God back out to all of God's beloved.  This puts a very serious responsibility upon each one of us, in that we are always called to openly share the true love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, hope, faith and joy that God is.  Sometimes, we trip and fall and our mirror becomes cloudy and full of fingerprints, but we always have the long list of chances to fix this.  

Each one of us carries a slightly different reflection of God, and what a blessing that is!  It gives us the chance to ALWAYS engage this seeking journey.  Just imagine how crappy it would be if we met someone else with the same Godly reflection that we already knew or have seen... that would seriously stink!  We would just get sooooo bored of journeying because we would be seeing the same thing every few steps.  Can you say... BOOOOORING!! 

So, my sister, as the deliberate journey to the creche comes to an end and the journey from the creche into the world has only just began, I send you this tiny mirror as a constant reminder of the reflection of God that God has placed within you.  While it is often a terrifying experience to journey into the night, my prayer for you will always be that you may find that incredible sense of grace to walk with your head held high.  God has entrusted a very integral part of His awe-some being upon your mirror - that only you have.  There will be no one else to share this part of God with the world, so gather up your courage (already instilled within you), hold your head high, and walk humbly in the love that God has set aside for you and you alone.  Do whatever it is that you need to do first, but don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself.  There is a reason you are who you are... and God is calling you in a very deliberate way - right now.  

You know that Disney is an integral part of my life and while this quote is Disney in nature, I believe that it very much applies to your journey and Christian life, and so I pass it on to you (on behalf of someone else, much more incredible and awe-some than I); 

"There is something you must always remember: You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, 

even if we're apart... 

I'll always be with you."

Go forth in love and mission, my sister, Go Forth!  And, as you journey, Godspeed (May God be with You!)