What makes me... me?

Okay so I may have broken a few rules, but everything is okay because they are only really guidelines (or so I am telling myself). BUT, it was all for a good reason - in order to finish Christmas shopping, I had to at least start it. So, that is exactly what I did. I started my Christmas shopping. Now I won't say who my partner in crime was, as to keep them from getting in any trouble, but just picture this...

We went into this outrageously overpriced store so that this person could get something for someone on their list. The store was not only insanely overpriced, it was crazy busy. As an attempt to hasten the waiting around, I kindly offered to wait and hold a spot in the line up while this person went to look for the Christmas-list-item. So there I am, minding my own buisness... when all of a sudden, this person returned to take their spot in the line with me and the world stopped.

Just as a side note, you need to know what I was wearing. Or, you don't need to know, but I wish to share.

Wearing blue (women's) pants from MEC, I had a pair of running shoes (again, women's) on my feet as to keep them from hurting with all the walking... I had my winter coat on (style? Women's) as well as nice sweater on underneath that (a sweater that you wouldn't be caught dead in if you were a guy). I was wearing my ball cap - not because I thought it would look "cool" but because I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a fleece pink hat in public and risk being seen by someone I know.

Anyway, so there I am, standing in this line up - when my partner in crime returns with the "to be purchased" items. The woman who was standing behind me in the insane line up (who was also holding a spot for her friend) makes the comment, "Oh, excuse me... I'm sorry, but the line up is all the way back there" pointing rudely to the end of the line which could no longer be seen. In response, the person I am holding the spot for motions towards me as to say I'm with her. This lady pipes up again and says the most dreaded 4 words anyone has ever heard spoken before...

(Please brace yourself... the words will not be spoken again...)

"OH! You're with HIM!"

In the spur of the moment, instinct told me to jump this woman... to beat her legs to a pulp and leave her on the floor in the pieces that she just shattered me into. I had the sudden urge to plug each one of her hairs from her head - hoping that the pain might just skim the hurt she inflicted.

However, the person I was with had their arm around my waist and had pulled me to their side so fast, and so strongly (this is not a force to be fought... they are slightly stronger than what I anticipated) that I truly couldn't have turned around to beat this lady if I had no other purpose in life.

What is it that makes me who I am then because a certain office-occupier down the hall continues to reassure me with the words, "you are still you"... but events like this, really make me wonder.

The last time that I checked, I was not a "HIM." Perhaps I need to check again. Nope, definately not a "HIM"...

So because I do not wear high heels, a bottle of perfume, two canisters of hairspray (although there are plans to use that much if that is what it takes to re-attach the strands of hair in time for Christmas celebrations), disgusting old lady clothes, or huge dangly earrings, I am not a HER??

Well then, apparently I have been a HIM my entire life. Why didn't someone bother to tell me sooner so that I could have adjusted to the fact that I was a HIM and not a HER and everything would have been just fine.

I somehow think that these are not the standards. So I went back to the drawing board.

While there have been huge internal changes as to how things look and feel, the only thing (other than occasional flushed skin or bruises the size of Ontario) that is visibly different is the fact that I no longer have hair or eyebrows.

Therefore, I hereby solemnly swear by anything important and valuable - even if it is only my fish Jeremiah - I will have hair for Christmas.

I will hot glue gun it, white glue it, tape it, gel it, hairspray it (even if it requires 2 cans of it), velcro it, or sew it back on (yes, I am willing to boil water and soak a needle and thread and sew each strand of hair back onto the outer layer of skin on my head, even if it may lead to some bleeding - at least there will not be any infection!) OR any fine combination of these things. I am willing to experiment and willing to go where no HER has gone before!

Wish me luck.