"There are some people who feel that the rules do not apply to them..." and "no one is having trouble with the rules but you..." When she says them in her sweet, supa Nanny way with a certain aire of authority, she almost sounds as though she could be the Queen getting after one of her subjects for stepping out of line. She says it with such grace, I was rather flabbergasted to finally understand that she was talking about me and to me. Perhaps that is why to this point in life, I have been drawn so strongly to youth ministry... a ministry where you can make up the rules as you go. This picture still makes me laugh until my sides hurt. Brittney (the gal featured in the photo looking like a drenched sailor) and I (who may or may not be the life size bunny) decided that the RC Church did not celebrate All Saints Day as much as they could and thought it would be valuable for that to change. So, dressed in a full (yes FULL) bunny suit (from head to toe - with little bunny booties taking the place of my regular shoes) I hopped from the back of the Church to the front when everyone had sat down after communion - wiggling my nose and shaking my little tail - to make the announcement that there would be an All Saints Day party the following weekend after all the services. Going without my glasses as to not see anyone's reaction, I did fine until I got close enough to the front to see Fr. Andrzej, our polish priest, almost crying from laughing so hard.
(That's right - Catholics know how to party... Anglican's may get a visit from St. Nicholas but the congregation at St. Albert Parish got a visit from the Easter Bunny... who we actually tried to pass as "St. Bunny" because of course the Easter Bunny has no Church significance what so ever, but "St. Bunny" was the patron saint of all bunnies who lived in bunny land!).
However, it didn't seem to matter what I tried in youth ministry, whether trying to claim to be "St. Bunny" or take youth on a ski trip in which we spend the night in the Emergency room of both Canmore and the Foothills Hospital in Calgary for a slight overdose of alcohol for a certain individual (not me!) who snuck off... not once did I get in trouble for breaking the rules. I followed the general protocol, but did completely outrageous things like a Halloween/All Saints party without a single mention of "rules". (Granted, I would never try this in the position I have now because I think my employer might have a slight heart attack...)
With knowing this, does it surprise you in the least that when rules are put in place to eventually make me better, I still have no desire to follow them?
Let's go over some of them...
1) I am to wear a mask at all times - sleeping or awake (unless eating) to prevent any germ from floating into my body. Apparently my body is in overdrive and a small bug could turn out to be fatal.
2) The number of people (total) I am to interact with over the remaining 5ish weeks of chemo... is 5. The same 5 people the entire time. HA! I am breaking that one by simply living where I am. And this means I need to receive permission from my oncologist tomorrow to go home on Sunday for my sisters birthday supper. (They better say yes because otherwise they are setting me up to break yet another rule!)
3) There is sanitizer by my bed and is to be used before I get in bed, while in bed, and before I get out.
4) Anything I touch is to be regularily washed (clothing, bedding, blankets), and anything touching my mouth (like eating utensils) are to be sanitized or boiled before I use them. Books, pens, my glasses, handles of doors, my computer keyboard, the shower... you name it - supposed to be sanitized or disinfected regularily because I simply can't afford to have any bug.
5) Avoid live animals (they are apparently prone to carrying germs in their fur or saliva) and refrain from going in public (and by refrain, they really mean - don't try it unless you want us to admit you!)
6) Anyone that I do come in contact with is to be sanitized (kind of funny if you think about it) before coming in contact - ie insane hand washing followed by disinfectant hand sanitizer and should be wearing a mask to contain their germs - whether they are aware they have them or not.
7) Stay warm! Apparently when your body gets cold, it suppresses your immune system? I think that's the reason they gave. Regardless, staying warm is now a rule - not just a good idea.
8) On off days of chemo I am to use a saline solution, while wearing a mask, to clean around the PIC line site.
9) I have one week from today (Thursday) to put back at least half the weight I have lost. One week. (And no, I don't wish to discuss the consequence of what might happen if I don't)
10) Stay hydrated. The hydration via iv that I receive at the Cross (while it feels very strange) is to only partially replace the unhydrated cells that dried up from the drugs of chemo. Rather stupid, but so be it.
Any-who, there you have it - the top 10 rules to getting my life back. Slightly stupid or a lot stupid?? Hmmm... wouldn't you feel a little odd if you had a mask on and anyone and everyone around you had a mask on? If beating cancer is largely mental, I don't know about anyone else but some of these rules make it pretty obvious as to who is sick and who is not, who has an immune system and who has none...
So here I lay - wearing two pairs of pants, a hoodie, my coat and covered with an electric blanket, a quilt and a fleecy... wishing it were all finished, whatever the outcome will be. Waking up in the darkness and asking the question, "where am I" for the millionith time since the end of November, crying as silently as I can into my blanket - which I can still smell through the mask, thinking and debating which rules are bendable and which are not, and pleading for the achey pain to cease and ever so softly uttering the words, "My God, my God, why have you foresaken me?" until I once again fall asleep, awaiting the next awakening and sweet Canadian-British sound of my name, carrying with her the next dose of required medication.
9 comments:
Those rules sound niether slightly stupid nor alot stupid to me. The doctors are asking you to do these things for a reason; they know better than you how to keep somebody with lukemia alive.
True that, however - isn't the purpose of our skin to hold the germs out from entering our body? I mean, I think it has more of a purpose than to just hold our body in place... and the last time I checked, my skin was still in tact. Granted, I have to tend to any cuts I do get with great precaution, but just because my blood is not doing it's part, it's not like the rest of my body has stopped as well...
Hey Angela. As a not-want-anyone-to-tell-me-what-to-do person too, I can't even guess how that would be incredibly difficult to get all those rules! That's okay. If we all wear masks, no one will know who is who (which could get confusing, except if there was a huge height difference). Besides, I'm going to find the most awesome face mask EvA for you! Maybe I can find matching ones! Supa SUAEET,
Sarah
And I would have to say skin only goes so far, though it's germ-fighting powers are surprising...
thanks sarah! Perhaps I should draw a face on the mask... or get eye goggles or something to cover the top - hmmm...
I have to agree with cherubchick...
And I suspect that your sister might rather have you alive than at her birthday dinner.
Still praying for you!
Yes skin helps keep germs out of the body. However, you've had skin your whole life, and yet, you've gotten sick, right? That comes from the germs that get on your hands and in your mouth (and various other places...). And you my dear are one of those very special people who are immunosuppressed (like me, too!). We have to be more careful because germs have a MUCH worse effect on us than the gerneral public. We wind up sick in the hospital for weeks at a time! VERY unpleasant. I use hand sanitizers and wash my hands all the time too, I even used to have to wear masks out in public. To me it was a very small price to pay to stay as healthy as I could. Try to think of it this way: you aren't wearing the mask because there's something wrong with YOU, you're wearing it because everyone else in this world is so DIRTY! ugh! I drew these bodacious lips on my mask, and had another one that all my friends signed. You *can* have some fun with it. :)
Cherubchick, did you really wear a mask out in public? I guess it's like the notion of a cast for a broken bone right? Somehow, even though I am not fond of the idea, there has to be some outward statement of what is happening inside... a broken bone can not heal without proper protection and care and my immune system is the same way, right? Protect it now, cherish and rely on it later? Do you care to give a clue to who you are?
"there has to be some outward statement of what is happening inside"
Ooh! Like a sacrament of your healing process :)
may this cyber community be able to give you the vritual hugs to make up albeit partially for the real ones you are missing.
Post a Comment