It's a promise I made years ago...

As a side note, in my humble opinion, bread dip beats "Mr. Ben" cough syrup ANY day!  However, this Friday post isn't really about the bread dip OR cough syrup. 

Wearing the Sunday church hat, and clutching a matching purse,

sitting in the pew "studying" a prayer book, 

the musical family starts to sing a hymn that she knows,

by heart.

Standing up proudly, she sings about seas and skies, stars and light;

Snow and rain, loving tears and conversions of hearts of stone to that of love.

Then, the part she knows best, singing loud enough for everyone to hear her:

"Here I am, Lord

I will go, if you lead me

I will hold your people in my heart"

My memory is sketchy at the best of times, but I can tell you at least two things about this song... 1) that this song has always been one that resounds in a pretty deep and incredible way, and for which the words have always been on my lips and 2) It was a topic of discussion at my First Communion meeting with our parish priest.  

The priest that we had at the time was nearing retirement, but I was determined to celebrate my first communion before he left.  He knew our family quite well and so to ease the tension of our meeting, he asked me what my favourite piece of music to sing in church was.  I remember quite clearly, scooting to the edge of the chair, leaning forward, and telling him that it was the one that talked about seas, skies, love, hearts, and going somewhere.  He didn't laugh, but instead, asked me why that particular song was my favourite.  I never remembered my answer, though my mom, who was also there has reminded me over and over (apparently it embarrassed her slightly). 

She'd say, "you looked him in the eye and said, 'Because I want to hold people in my heart just like HE does... DUH!"

Oooops!  I guess "Duh" is not a theologically based word.  Or, it wasn't at the time.  I'm not sure how hard Fr. Al had to pull strings, but lo and behold, the Sunday when I made my First Communion, the very first communion hymn to play was none other than "Here I Am, Lord".  And, I remember this like it was yesterday... after taking communion for the first time, I raced back to the front pew, knelt down, and told Him that NOW, I was a big girl and NOW he could trust me with holding people in my heart too.  

So, while people tell me not to worry about them, be concerned for them, or even - not to pray for them, as many have... my response is simply, "I cannot break a promise"  It is a promise that I actually made years ago, and while I continually stumble and fall along this journey, I'll admit - there are some days where I could do a much better job at keeping this promise. I made a promise to hold His people in my heart; somedays, that brings worry but other days, it brings true joy.  Occasionally, it's really (really!) hard to keep this promise, while other days it remains straightforward.  

Clearly God put you on my heart for a reason, a season or lifetime - and that is right where ya'll will stay.  And yes, before you say anything, you're right... it's not always easy to hold ya'll in my heart and once in awhile, it feels pretty stretched out... but I wouldn't change anything and I hope you can deal with that, because if you can't, it's not me you should take it up with.  Any concerns or complaints should be made by calling 1-800-HE-LOVES (answered 24/7).   But before you call, know that I don't think he'll be removing you from my heart anytime soon!