Stupid Phrase of the Day

I drove said friend back to her place so that I could stop by and pick up something that they had brought back for me from the neighbouring province while competing in auto-cross nationals.

Her husband was driving their car home and made sure to say, "so... I wonder who will get home first" as we were about to pull out of the parking lot. We followed him out of the lot and were doing very well until we surprisingly came to a set of railway tracks with the loud dinging and bars coming down.

Sitting there for a solid 15 minutes, we talked about graffiti, break-ins, stupid criminals, baseball bats, criminal charges for battery of a criminal... sure - definitely random things to talk about as we watched and waited for the long (and slow!) train to pass, but I think we were both exhausted.

When the gates finally lifted and we were on our way, it was when we went to turn left (across the lane of traffic) to head back to her house that I truly demonstrated how completely exhausted I was - mentally and all.

"Oh my! That is a very long lane of traffic. I wonder what the hold up is... did we pass an accident or something?"

Said friend simply turned and stared at me until I managed to glance over and meet her gaze.

"Ummm... do you think that it *might* have ANYTHING to do with the long train that we just watched go by?"

Oh. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Nevermind then. Resume previous conversation. Oye. Leave it to me to bring home the intelligent, misplaced phrases and questions. ;)

My fingers are numb...

I was always taught when growing up, that if the world ever gave you something that stirred that urge inside of you to punch something/someone else, reach for an ice cube.

Well, my fingers are number than numb, so what I'm trying to say is that any spelling errors I make, are not my fault.

My fingers are numb because I am upset about the human condition and how people have been trained to respond to tragedy by saying, "I'm sorry...." I understand that there is a certain level of empathy at play here, whereby the other person is acknowledging the pain of a situation by potentially apologizing for the fact that life sucks. I get that.

But honestly, it is THEE most unhelpful, pointless, mundane, ambivilent phrase in the English language. Those two cursed words should be reserved for apologies and apologies only, where you are at fault for something and you are remorseful. And, as a huge introvert who likes to ponder the shit out of every little thing, I would rather hear "Wanna talk?" than "I'm sorry". Seriously. Because I would be more open to talking through how much life sucks and hearing their honest, unreserved account of why life either sucks or it doesn't than to hear that they are "sorry" for some random misfortune that they had absolutely no part in.

I don't know... maybe I'm just upset because on a night where I need to talk the days events out, the two people I turn to, immediately drop the "I'm sorry" bomb on the conversation as if it will make everything better. Or, maybe it's true... maybe "I'm sorry" is a phrase that is abused in our lexicon and we need to work on changing this.

Up to you. I'll supply the ice cubes.

No Kiddin'

I tried to get a picture of this before the vehicle pulled even further ahead of me, however, the picture is pretty much just a picture of a vehicle - and you can't even see what I was trying to get a picture of.  

(does that sentence even make sense?  It does in my head, however...)

This morning, driving down St. Albert Trail, I was stuck behind a small SUV.  

The plate on the vehicle was: "HO5ANNA"

And the brightly coloured bumper sticker was: "ONLY FOOLS SAY GOD IS STUPID"

I kid you not!  

I think I may have been following a highly religious and dedicated Christian this morning. Much too early for cognitive thought, however, their vehicular evangelism is still floating around my head this afternoon.  

To their bumper sticker and license plate, on a Monday, all I can say is, "ONLY THE SCARED EVANGELIZE BY CAR"

In case you're wondering, I am currently (at this very moment) waiting to be struck down by the lightning that is happening outside.  Again, I kid you not.  Thunder storms.  

If it's not too late to change my opinion, perhaps it should be: "ONLY THE STUBBORN IGNORE THE OBVIOUS"

Whatta' day!

The fire is a ragin'

I have tried watching a movie on the lowest volume, reading, and trying to think things through - however, nothing seems to be working.  I am attempting to slow my mind down to a pace which is suitable for sleep once again and clearly failing miserably.  

Have you ever been woken up abruptly by teary dream?  The kind of dream that literally has you crying and when you wake, your heart is racing, your cheeks and pillow are completely wet, and you feel more exhausted than when your eyes shut the first time?  It doesn't happen all that often, but every once in awhile, there are nights like tonight.  Nights where I wake up, in the middle of a fit of tears, almost feeling like the current state of dismal outside.  

We are currently experiencing a number of "close to home", out of control grass fires.  The skies constantly are dark because of the smoke and out here on the farm, we are currently surrounded by three local counties who have declared states of emergency (including our own county).  The smoke is so heavy, it is literally hard to breathe and the inhaler is kept in the back pocket for easy and frequent access.  It's hard to know which way to turn at a rarely encountered intersection because some road signs are actually unreadable with the copious amounts of smoke.  And, naturally, so many local roads are closed that it's impossible to keep up with the updates.  Often, on trying to find a route home, one encounters barricades, a fire crew or local volunteers stationed in such a way that strikes panic and forces "on the feet" thinking to find another route.  

It is the times in life when life itself is in a "fire" situation, that I have the exhausting, teary dreams.  When the barricades appear to be blocking my desired route of required travel, I require aids to continue breathing, and when the smoke and smog is so thick and unbearable - it brings about concern and frustration at the same damn time.  

I will admit to the fact that a fire has been burning in my life for quite some time now, but up until a few days ago, I honestly felt as though it was being battled and declared "in control"... but clearly the winds have changed, picked up, and caused havoc!  

While I continue to reflect on the "winds of change" that are present and blowing ever so.... "lovely" (good thing it's sarcastic Wednesday!), for lack of wanting to cause offense, say something I might later regret, or further spread the fire in any way, I will just say this.  

"Dear Changing Winds, 

I trust you.  I trust you as much as an exhausted firefighter who refuses to leave the post, can trust at a time like this.  No more... and no less and this is actually in your control.  I trust that you are blowing where you need to blow and pushing the fire in the direction  you subconsciously know is best.  I also trust that you are unstoppable in that I can never "stop" or "capture" the wind, only respond appropriately to God's element.  However, please, please, please... I wish you could do something, (ANYTHING!) to give me a heads up warning on where you are going and blowing so that I can be prepared.  For it is a struggle to trust and follow where you go when it is without warning or when your direction seems in so many ways at once.  

That is all. 

Signed, 

Your Chief Firefighter"

Delighted for you, lil one!!

Ha ha ha... ya gotta love younger siblings!  I was officiating some Saturday morning community league basketball games, when I stopped to check messages on my phone.  We were about to start the third and final game of the morning when I got a rather frantic message from A.S.1 asking me to call her back AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.  Slightly worried, I dialed her cell number as fast as my fingers could go... 

"Hello?  A.S.1, what's up?"

"I'M ENGAGED!!!"

"Oh my gosh - for real?"

"I'M ENGAGED!!!"

"WOW!! (tears start to form out of shear excitement) Aw, I am sooooooo happy for you!!!  When did he propose?"

"I'M ENGAGED!!!"

"ha ha ha... right.  Got that.  Congratulations!  Holy Smoley - my little sister is engaged!!!"

"I KNOW!!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!  Can we meet up this afternoon?"

"You bet, can I call you when I'm done working?  I've got a game to ref!"

I hung up the phone in shock.  Let my partner do the jump ball.  Note to self, when it becomes a likely possibility that other siblings will be engaged, DO NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS right before a game!  

Needless to say, we spent the rest of yesterday together.  Wondering aimlessly around the city's "world record size" mall chatting.  I got all the details on how he proposed, listened to the excitement and the jolting hesitation about telling the parental units.  Heard about initial wedding plans, who she wanted to do what, and even about how many kids they had talked about.  After she had tried on a few wedding dresses that didn't much tickle her fancy, we stopped for a cool drink.  

After a few sips, she asked a question that made the excitement of the afternoon halt to a stop.  

"So, what's new with you and Wonder-Chemist?"

"Um, not much..." (mind starts racing to see if I can change the subject quickly)

"Have you seen him lately?"

"Um, not much, no..."

"Care to explain why?"

"He may have started sharing the plan for our life together that includes purchasing a house in a rural town nearby.  He's got it all figured out - not just in his head, but financially too!"

"Well that's awesome!"

"Uh... yeah!  Yeah, it's great"

The conversation died shortly after and we went back to talking about the ring on her finger, her vision of the perfect wedding dress, and what kind of veil would most suite her taste. It was a wonderful afternoon/evening and I am honestly sooooooo delighted for her.  Her and her fiance have been the best of friends for like six years and finally started dating, and are now engaged!  

However, you can always count on a sister to hear the unspoken words of your heart; I woke up this morning to an email from her with a link to The Eagles Desperado and a one liner of "Please stop punishing yourself, put your winter boots on, and climb down from the fence, for your King of Hearts is awaiting you."

It's lead to a reflective and thought provoking Sunday afternoon, at the end of which, all I can say is, "Way to go A.S.1, I am sooooooo delighted for you lil' one!"