The Rationale... of a Donkey

Notice, I did not say "ass", which we all know is the code name for a donkey. At least in these parts of the English speaking world, it is.

I wanted to ask the question, are donkeys able to think rationally?

See, here's the thing. I know that the donkey on Shrek (for the most part) thinks like a rational being... he knows what to do to help Shrek fight the dragon, he is able to father children, and leads a fairly normal (albeit, donkey) life. Therefore, based on this example, I would be inclined to say that donkeys are capable of rational thought.

However... I have continually been told that I am more stubborn than average ass. I mean... donkey. Which, in my convoluted thought, seems to beg the question, "am I actually capable of rational thought, on most days?"

I want to answer yes - that, on the average day, I approach the tasks ahead of me in a cognitive and coherant fashion, achieving goals and fulfilling dreams.

Buuuuuut (hahaha... donkey, ass, but? Okay, I'm tired)... there are more days than not in which I find myself at a roadblock, wondering where on earth I went wrong. So, exerting the extra effort to re-trace my steps backwards, and after many trials and errors, (and the grace of hindsight), I finally figure out where I made my mistake and am able to correct my steps and continue on my way. While there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with this superficially, it is, for lack of more description... exhausting.

For example, something simple like taking medication daily. I know it's something I should do, and I have paid witness to what happens when I miss taking them...and yet, there are still days where I "forget"... and I pay the consequences ALL OVER AGAIN!

If it was only me that these errors in judgement affected, I would cope with that. But I am human (yes, the stubborn, ass end of human - but human) and this fact alone tells me that I am interconnected with other people ALL THE TIME. And so, unfortunately, being stubborn beyond the realm of your average ass, doesn't just hurt me... but those around me.

... if only I could find a way to illustrate that donkeys too, are capable of rationale thought. Hmm

No Kiddin'

I tried to get a picture of this before the vehicle pulled even further ahead of me, however, the picture is pretty much just a picture of a vehicle - and you can't even see what I was trying to get a picture of.  

(does that sentence even make sense?  It does in my head, however...)

This morning, driving down St. Albert Trail, I was stuck behind a small SUV.  

The plate on the vehicle was: "HO5ANNA"

And the brightly coloured bumper sticker was: "ONLY FOOLS SAY GOD IS STUPID"

I kid you not!  

I think I may have been following a highly religious and dedicated Christian this morning. Much too early for cognitive thought, however, their vehicular evangelism is still floating around my head this afternoon.  

To their bumper sticker and license plate, on a Monday, all I can say is, "ONLY THE SCARED EVANGELIZE BY CAR"

In case you're wondering, I am currently (at this very moment) waiting to be struck down by the lightning that is happening outside.  Again, I kid you not.  Thunder storms.  

If it's not too late to change my opinion, perhaps it should be: "ONLY THE STUBBORN IGNORE THE OBVIOUS"

Whatta' day!

The fire is a ragin'

I have tried watching a movie on the lowest volume, reading, and trying to think things through - however, nothing seems to be working.  I am attempting to slow my mind down to a pace which is suitable for sleep once again and clearly failing miserably.  

Have you ever been woken up abruptly by teary dream?  The kind of dream that literally has you crying and when you wake, your heart is racing, your cheeks and pillow are completely wet, and you feel more exhausted than when your eyes shut the first time?  It doesn't happen all that often, but every once in awhile, there are nights like tonight.  Nights where I wake up, in the middle of a fit of tears, almost feeling like the current state of dismal outside.  

We are currently experiencing a number of "close to home", out of control grass fires.  The skies constantly are dark because of the smoke and out here on the farm, we are currently surrounded by three local counties who have declared states of emergency (including our own county).  The smoke is so heavy, it is literally hard to breathe and the inhaler is kept in the back pocket for easy and frequent access.  It's hard to know which way to turn at a rarely encountered intersection because some road signs are actually unreadable with the copious amounts of smoke.  And, naturally, so many local roads are closed that it's impossible to keep up with the updates.  Often, on trying to find a route home, one encounters barricades, a fire crew or local volunteers stationed in such a way that strikes panic and forces "on the feet" thinking to find another route.  

It is the times in life when life itself is in a "fire" situation, that I have the exhausting, teary dreams.  When the barricades appear to be blocking my desired route of required travel, I require aids to continue breathing, and when the smoke and smog is so thick and unbearable - it brings about concern and frustration at the same damn time.  

I will admit to the fact that a fire has been burning in my life for quite some time now, but up until a few days ago, I honestly felt as though it was being battled and declared "in control"... but clearly the winds have changed, picked up, and caused havoc!  

While I continue to reflect on the "winds of change" that are present and blowing ever so.... "lovely" (good thing it's sarcastic Wednesday!), for lack of wanting to cause offense, say something I might later regret, or further spread the fire in any way, I will just say this.  

"Dear Changing Winds, 

I trust you.  I trust you as much as an exhausted firefighter who refuses to leave the post, can trust at a time like this.  No more... and no less and this is actually in your control.  I trust that you are blowing where you need to blow and pushing the fire in the direction  you subconsciously know is best.  I also trust that you are unstoppable in that I can never "stop" or "capture" the wind, only respond appropriately to God's element.  However, please, please, please... I wish you could do something, (ANYTHING!) to give me a heads up warning on where you are going and blowing so that I can be prepared.  For it is a struggle to trust and follow where you go when it is without warning or when your direction seems in so many ways at once.  

That is all. 

Signed, 

Your Chief Firefighter"

It's all about "payin it forward!"

I couldn't stop smiling... this morning, while on a short break from classes, I took the underground train to a busy street in the city and then caught a bus to take me down the street to where I needed to go.  It is my all time favourite flower shop, and they always do an exquisite job on putting together beautiful arrangements.  The young man behind the counter recognized me immediately, commenting on how my hair had grown since I was last there, and commented on my wonderful taste in flowers.  (Personally, I figure he was just trying to butter me up for the money I was about to spend with them, but I wouldn't have gone anywhere else)

The bouquet was then ordered "anonymously" for the receptionist who, while having to work Saturday, Sunday (until 10pm) and then yesterday - still managed to show up with a bright smile on Tuesday morning.  And these... are the pictures from the card.  The image that is cut out of the last picture, is Winnie the Pooh playing the flute.  After saying, "You are... exceptional, one of the best kept secrets of the program, wonderful, family, fantastic, #1, smart, unbeatable, voted (insert city name here) best, amazing, unbelievable, magic in action, fantastic, a star, remarkable, on fire, the greatest, super, happening, unique, the ultimate, a keystone"... the handwriting (disguised) reads: Anna, the program could not be what it is without your "unsung" musical contributions (!!) and harmony line.  Thank you so much for all you do!!

The bouquet was supposed to be delivered for 3:00pm this afternoon so that it would be there long before I showed up for training, yet cleverly delivered on the day that I would be in the office anyway (hopefully eliminating my name from the possible suspects, as I would have just brought the bouquet in if coming in anyway).  However, it showed up while I was there.  A bit off-putting, as I tried to stay out of the way, yet dodge questions when I was asked who might possibly do such a thing... but, all in all - it was great!

Her words were, "I just.... wow... how could... huh..." Hopefully she will go home, bathing in the fact that her endless hard work does not ALWAYS go unnoticed, and trust that she is loved, appreciated, and "belongs"

I think that's all we really need, isn't it?  To know that, on some level, we belong.  Whether it is to our work community, within a circle of friends, a church or worshipping community of some kind or a family... at the end of the day, we just need to know that... while often unspoken... we belong.  

A lesson that I wish more people would advocate, teach, and pray for.  But hey... I'm just one seekin' youngin... all I can do, is my personal best, each and every day.  And today... I did just that!  I would be interested in hearing what you have done or have had done to you that got the point across.  

I assure you...

... it's only because I love you.  

Really.  

Believe me.  That is the ONLY reason I am going to pick my grandma up at her place, and drive her to church for 5:00p.m. mass.  The rest of my family (who normally pick her up) are currently either in Ottawa for Lil Buddy's Volleyball National play-downs or out playing baseball... clearly out of cell phone reception.  

So, when I got a phone call last night asking politely, "Hello dear, are you going to mass this weekend?"

(I momentarily pondered the numerous answers running through my head at record speed, wishing to select the "proper" response).  "Weeeeeeeell, I work at 7:30 Sunday morning, so Saturday evening is a possibility, but unfortunately I can't go Sunday" ("unfortunately" made it sound like I was disappointed, right?)

"Well dear, if you pick me up, we can go to 5:00 mass and then I will cook you a steak dinner.  You can eat steak, right?"

"um... yup!" (though it is honestly the one meal that I eat with my teeth clenched... I was the kid at the family table who had a hot dog on her plate on Steak Saturdays - looooove beef, but hate steak.  But, it was sweet of her - planning a meal in which I wouldn't have to worry about allergies)

"So do you want to stop by here at 4:40?  That should get us to the church on time"

"You bet Grandma, I'll be downstairs at 4:40"

"Thank you sweety.  I look forward to seeing you."

"Me too.  Night!"

So... it is almost 4:30 and getting closer to the time in which I will leave to pick her up.  I just finished vacuuming out the car, windex-ing all the windows, and scrubbing floor mats.  It will just make the evening easier if things are top notch.  Hopefully she won't say anything about the foot marks on the inside of the passenger door... I had company in February who put them there, and couldn't bring myself to wipe them clean yet.  

Apparently the presider tonight is a visiting, retired bishop - whose younger brother, married my parents 25 years ago this summer.  Is it improper church etiquette to forego receiving a blessing from visiting bishop?  I can almost hear family members rolling over in their graves when I consider being rebellious and taking communion tonight, while not "in good standing with the greater church"...it's an awesome thought... but I won't.  I'm not ready to proclaim that leaving the RC church was a mistake.  

UGH!  Of all the weekends for my family to be out of town... they had to pick this one?  Maybe Grandma will call in sick... hahaha... who am I kidding?!  I better go get cleaned up.  I don't want to be the "grandaughter who dresses like a slob to take her grandma to church".  

Well, Grandma, I'm on my way shortly.  But... I assure you, it's not for the steak or the draw of going to church, it's really (truly) only because I love you.  

Words to Live By

I am on a cleaning mission. Now that I've stewed and dwelt from within the pile of heaped compost, wasted time dreaming about what was and what could have been... I have decided that ultimately - these are beyond my problem solving ability.

Wish I would have realized this back in October, rather than sitting amongst my own sewage, however... I'm relieved that I have transitioned to the long awaited "shower stage".

Anyway, this post isn't supposed to be about the transition, but about something I found while in this stage.

Written on a corner scrap of sky blue paper, ripped on three of four edges, I found this written:

We can move forward in God and through God's will.
Although this can sometimes be challenging or horribly uncomfortable
And while we may pine for the pastures in which we came from...
By following God's will in our lives,
We can journey where we are not on our own.

I am not sure where I wrote it down from, whose words they are or the context in which this wisdom was shared. However... I kinda like it. And once I finish cleaning up this mess in which I write this post from... maybe... just maybe, I may paint these words on my wall.

Maybe I oughta go buy a fish too. The tank on the shelf of my desk is lookin' kinda lonely.

Mountain Hiking

I learned a lot from my piano teacher.  She taught me how to bend my fingers when I play to allow for a better sound and technique, how to play incredibly difficult turns and land the "big jumps" marked by various squiggly lines on the music, and how to count the highs and lows of the mountain each day.  

When I began babysitting/"hanging out" (her oldest son was too old for a "babysitter, but too young for being on his own with his younger siblings), I learned the importance of the "Mountain Night Routine".  When each kid was tucked under the covers, after they said their prayers and found their teddy... they needed to be asked, "what was your mountain climbing moment today and what was your mountain top?"  And, in turn, the kids would answer with a "high" from the day as well as a "low".  

This routine has since been adapted slightly for summer camps, evening retreats, and quiet reflective moments with various aged youngin's and as I sit at the bookend of a very long and wonderful week, I find myself pondering about the mountain top and the hike moments.  

Here's what I have so far:

Low: many late nights, only managing to stay awake by propping my head up with textbooks

High: I wrote the last exam yesterday afternoon

Low: Found out that an incredible and mentor for the past number of years is moving to take on a parish elsewhere and will no longer be an escaping, bus ride away

High: I had lunch/an afternoon with a co-worker I recently met and found the time flew by much too quickly... for it didn't feel like a new friend, but a soul friend in which I had a lot of catching up to do

Low: Another week has passed, another page turned without managing to make contact with 6 people I care deeply about

High: Felt compelled to read the story of Thomas and am reminded about the everlasting joy of the resurrection, with it's countless opportunities for new life, hope, and reconciliation. 

What are your highs/lows of the week?  Whatever they may be, may there always be a glorious sunshiny day to celebrate the many blessings (or, in our case today... a peaceful snowfall).  

Sarcastic Wednesday

Ok, it's not really sarcastic Wednesday, but more accurately... this was how my day started out this morning. My supervisor and case trainer is in the midst of an absolutely insane work week. A huge medical exam is taking place across the street on May 3, and case training started at 8:30am this past Saturday, with a half hour lunch, and continued until 5 in the evening. Getting Sunday off, training resumed Monday at noon and ran until 9pm... a pattern that will continue until Saturday's modified training hours. The week leading up to the exam is scattered with half hour dry run throughs for every group, case, and scenario.

So, to mark the craziness and celebrate the turning point in the week, I sent her this cute Hoops and Yoyo card. Quite cute... if you're having a sarcastic Wednesday - definitely worth the minute of your time!!

God's Success Story: A Basket of Colourful Eggs

There are so many, very different blog topics floating around this school-logged brain of mine, but in tribute to a younger cousin who was old enough to learn about the magic of colouring Easter eggs this year for the first time... I figured a post or two on the egg was appropriate.  

While I cannot touch or eat the inside of an egg, that has never stopped me from staring in awe at them.  They make excellent youth group illustrations on a variety of topics.  I'm sure you've done the experiment in junior high where you take two plastic lids from a 2L pop bottle, a raw (uncooked) egg, and a stack of heavy books.  Asking the youth before hand, how many books they think the egg will hold after shaking the egg and proving it has a runny yoke, the answers range from 0-1... maybe. However, standing the egg upright on it's end in one of the lids, and placing the other lid (like a hat) on top allows you to stack an incredible number of heavy books upon the egg.  I've used this illustration to introduce topics of choosing the proper foundation in life, community and the importance of surrounding yourself with people you trust (lids), and even topics like, "Stand up!  Take Faith!"... for if you do, your inner strength and courage to withstand outside forces will be much stronger than you originally think.  

However, more than a perfect scientific/Christian illustration, eggs to me - are a perfect example of God's success story when it comes to the notion of divine timing.  Having grown up on the farm, and with a mom who would gather the eggs every two days, wash them and sell them... do you know how many conditions need to be absolutely perfect for a chick to exit an egg rather than a runny yoke?  The temperature in which they are kept must be within a range of a few degrees, or the baby chick will not survive and will default to being the runny egg.  The incubation time must be kept within a range of a few days or the chick won't develop either.  You cannot prematurely break the egg open, you'll kill the little, adorable, fuzzy thing.  

But, when the time is right and the chick is good and ready, prepared, healthy, and developed... it will start to slowly hammer on the shell... and piece by piece, a chick will emerge.  IT is not a hasty process - you definitely have enough time to call young ones to gather round when the chick starts tapping so they can witness this excitement, but at the same time - it is not a process that lasts days on end and elicits boredom either.  

The timing is just right.  

Yup, chicken/egg debate (that plagues five year olds to no end) aside, I would have to say that eggs are most definitely God's success story!

Stay tuned... next blog?  About the beauty and reminders of grace found in decorating these lil' marvels of creation! :)

Way to go, lil' buddy!

So there is a lot that I could say about how there are people who ought not to say anything about judgement, unless prepared to be judged themselves... or about how I just read the most incredible and uplifting (and honest) Easter letter and am going to skip to my next class...

... but instead...

... I give a shout out to the lil' cousins hockey team. Who, after going into a second overtime period on Sunday night, were declared the AJHL (----Junior Hockey League) CHAMPIONS!! I am absolutely delighted for them and it was truly a joy unlike any other to be physically present to see them play the way they did. They now go onto play the provincial winner of BC's Junior Hockey playdowns, and if they win that, could play for the Doyle (National?) Junior Hockey League Cup.

Excellent job boys!

And now, off to class to pick up my creative project and camera (which I have kinda missed over the last few days)... could go either way, but I'll let ya know later on.