Who knew...

... that expressing happiness for someone you care about it, elicits a biting?

... that not responding to correspondence before cognitively awake, truly people upsets people?... that being scared shitless for one's own health and well-being, makes everything one says, sound sarcastic? 

... that saying nothing at all, is apparently 100% better than passing on genuine happiness for their news?

Not me, that's for sure.  I have absolutely no clue what it is I'm supposed to say then - because if I can't say something meaningful and nice without upsetting you, I would prefer if you would just write the script that would be acceptable for our friendship.  

But before you do that, you should know that my experience in acting is minimal and I probably won't be able to stick to the script anyway.  However, if that is the only way that we can move forward, please send the script along ASAP.  Until I can get to reading it, I will file it under, "Come on now, give me a lil' more credit than that!"

In through the nose, out... um... through the snow

Ok, ok - so it's not exactly how the phrase is supposed to finish however, there is nothing like 7 inches of fresh white stuff to make the world *almost* seem right again.  

I say *almost* because after spending the day at home, curled up in bed with a hot water bottle, some articles I needed to read for a "music therapy for traumatized youth" paper I'm writing, my blanket, and occasional "Reba" breaks... I was rewarded with being allowed to watch Lil 'Spuds basketball game.  

It was a must-win game (just like their game on Wednesday!), against a team they lost to earlier in the season by a mere 9 points.  I like to say that the Spirits lost because the coach benched Lil Spud, and after watching her play tonight - I just might be right.  (Sisterly pride kicking in rrrrright.... here!)  In the first 10 minute quarter, my lil buddy managed to score 7 of the 11 team points, and assisted on the 4 points that she didn't score.  Swished a total of 4-3 pointers, lead the team in defense, and they managed to win by 30 points!!  

And now, I get to bug her because she took an elbow in the face, early in the game, and before bed tonight - had QUITE the shiner forming.  She is truly a stunning athlete, playing senior level ball in grade 11. Makes being her big sister worth it ;)

Upon arriving home, managed to finish off tomorrow's assignment, the annotated bibliography for church history, a paper outline AND, glance at this week's math assignment.  This only leaves a major paper due Thursday, with a possible medical extension - depending how the week pans out.  And, as if that wasn't enough - I think I know what I am going to submit/analyze for a creative project: "Walking the Scorching Grains; 40 Days in the Desert"!  A scrapbook journey through the desert!  I will need to seek permission to hand the project in a few days after the proposed due date, but I really think it would be awesome (not to mention, personally required at this point).  

I also, as the cherry on the top, received an email from WonderChemist with an updated "rest of our lives" plan.  He is studying (alongside an honors chemistry degree) to get his pilot's license.  Soooo... his new plan involves moving to South America and becoming missionaries - both of us.  He figures with his flying ability, he can fly aid into remote areas of the country, while I can speak words of peace (in Spanish) to those in need and teach (also in Spanish, if needed).  He concluded by saying that he was really kind of "dreaming", but what he doesn't realize is that I might just hold him to this dream.  Really and truly!!! :D

But, the next greatest thing to watching Lil Spud play?  The fact that God blessed a great friend with one hell of a memory.  It took said friend only two questions before I realized what this festering wound really is all about; granted, I still have a lot to think about and work to understand, but in the short conversation we typed, some level of peace was restored in my heart. Said friend, confirmed quickly, that I am not crazy, off my rocker, or expecting the impossible from people - and kindly (probably without knowing it), reminded me that the stubborn in life often don't get very far.  

Tomorrow's plate includes a humble serving of returning phone calls, a veggie size portion of math (only because it's supposedly good for you), a hearty helping of "music therapy for traumatized youth" and a big ol' cup of Earl Grey to soothe the soul.  What's on your plate?

It's a promise I made years ago...

As a side note, in my humble opinion, bread dip beats "Mr. Ben" cough syrup ANY day!  However, this Friday post isn't really about the bread dip OR cough syrup. 

Wearing the Sunday church hat, and clutching a matching purse,

sitting in the pew "studying" a prayer book, 

the musical family starts to sing a hymn that she knows,

by heart.

Standing up proudly, she sings about seas and skies, stars and light;

Snow and rain, loving tears and conversions of hearts of stone to that of love.

Then, the part she knows best, singing loud enough for everyone to hear her:

"Here I am, Lord

I will go, if you lead me

I will hold your people in my heart"

My memory is sketchy at the best of times, but I can tell you at least two things about this song... 1) that this song has always been one that resounds in a pretty deep and incredible way, and for which the words have always been on my lips and 2) It was a topic of discussion at my First Communion meeting with our parish priest.  

The priest that we had at the time was nearing retirement, but I was determined to celebrate my first communion before he left.  He knew our family quite well and so to ease the tension of our meeting, he asked me what my favourite piece of music to sing in church was.  I remember quite clearly, scooting to the edge of the chair, leaning forward, and telling him that it was the one that talked about seas, skies, love, hearts, and going somewhere.  He didn't laugh, but instead, asked me why that particular song was my favourite.  I never remembered my answer, though my mom, who was also there has reminded me over and over (apparently it embarrassed her slightly). 

She'd say, "you looked him in the eye and said, 'Because I want to hold people in my heart just like HE does... DUH!"

Oooops!  I guess "Duh" is not a theologically based word.  Or, it wasn't at the time.  I'm not sure how hard Fr. Al had to pull strings, but lo and behold, the Sunday when I made my First Communion, the very first communion hymn to play was none other than "Here I Am, Lord".  And, I remember this like it was yesterday... after taking communion for the first time, I raced back to the front pew, knelt down, and told Him that NOW, I was a big girl and NOW he could trust me with holding people in my heart too.  

So, while people tell me not to worry about them, be concerned for them, or even - not to pray for them, as many have... my response is simply, "I cannot break a promise"  It is a promise that I actually made years ago, and while I continually stumble and fall along this journey, I'll admit - there are some days where I could do a much better job at keeping this promise. I made a promise to hold His people in my heart; somedays, that brings worry but other days, it brings true joy.  Occasionally, it's really (really!) hard to keep this promise, while other days it remains straightforward.  

Clearly God put you on my heart for a reason, a season or lifetime - and that is right where ya'll will stay.  And yes, before you say anything, you're right... it's not always easy to hold ya'll in my heart and once in awhile, it feels pretty stretched out... but I wouldn't change anything and I hope you can deal with that, because if you can't, it's not me you should take it up with.  Any concerns or complaints should be made by calling 1-800-HE-LOVES (answered 24/7).   But before you call, know that I don't think he'll be removing you from my heart anytime soon!

Welcome to Alberta!

The "stupid landlocked province"!!  So, Miss Sunshine arrived to a local temperature of -24 Celsius (it's slightly warmer in the nearest city, but still much colder than the -8 that she left this afternoon).  The province where we try and protect our property to the extreme!

Ha ha ha ha ha... so, this will go down in the books as the greatest "first night in a new province" ever!  On the way home from the airport, we were driving along a familiar gravel road, when I notice that two (not one, but TWO) cars are parked in our field (aka, private property).  One car with it's lights on, and one... well... with a little "mood lighting". 

Miss Sunshine rolls down her window, I turn down the music, and to the fancy, red, (paid for by selling drugs) sports car, I say:

"Can I help you with something?  Are you lost?"

"No, we are just hanging out"

"Well, unfortunately sir, you need to find somewhere else to hang out as this is private property"

"You own the side of the road?"

"No, I don't.  We own the field that your car is sitting in though sir, so if you will kindly..."

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"Would you like me to call the RCMP and they can charge you with trespassing?"

"Oh yeah... go ahead!"

(picks up cell phone and dials number for the farm, without pushing send, as the car speeds off down the gravel road - with the huge inconvenience of finding a new meeting place to sell their illegal drugs).

To the other car with "mood lighting", I simply backed up, put my lights onto their license plate and we copied it down. Upon arriving home, I explained that there were two more vehicles in our field.  Farming Dad, quite upset, goes to start his truck.  Racing back into the house, he grabs a flashlight, his cell phone (in case of trouble), and his big winter boots.  This is the story he shared upon getting home a few minutes later...

"I didn't know if anyone was actually in the car - all the lights were off and it wasn't running"

"So... what did you do?  Knock on the window?"

"Nope.  I tried to open the door" 

(Most people leave their vehicles unlocked here in farming country, especially of Farming Dad's Generation)

"Ha ha ha ha ha... um... did it open?"

"Well no, but when I tried the handle, the lights inside the car came on.  There were two VERY startled kids in the backseat.  The young boy opened the window slightly, at which time I explained to him that he was actually parked on private property.  He was pretty embarrassed, so I told 'em - the parking rates are $10 a minute, so you hurry up... and then we'll settle up."

"Um... Dad?"

"They weren't there very long; there goes another high school graduate expecting her first in November!"

Aw man, I love Farming Dad to bits, but of all the things for Miss Sunshine to experience as her first and lasting impression of Alberta... there could have been slightly more... um... G-rated impressions!!  :D  Good times!

Delighted for you, lil one!!

Ha ha ha... ya gotta love younger siblings!  I was officiating some Saturday morning community league basketball games, when I stopped to check messages on my phone.  We were about to start the third and final game of the morning when I got a rather frantic message from A.S.1 asking me to call her back AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.  Slightly worried, I dialed her cell number as fast as my fingers could go... 

"Hello?  A.S.1, what's up?"

"I'M ENGAGED!!!"

"Oh my gosh - for real?"

"I'M ENGAGED!!!"

"WOW!! (tears start to form out of shear excitement) Aw, I am sooooooo happy for you!!!  When did he propose?"

"I'M ENGAGED!!!"

"ha ha ha... right.  Got that.  Congratulations!  Holy Smoley - my little sister is engaged!!!"

"I KNOW!!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!  Can we meet up this afternoon?"

"You bet, can I call you when I'm done working?  I've got a game to ref!"

I hung up the phone in shock.  Let my partner do the jump ball.  Note to self, when it becomes a likely possibility that other siblings will be engaged, DO NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS right before a game!  

Needless to say, we spent the rest of yesterday together.  Wondering aimlessly around the city's "world record size" mall chatting.  I got all the details on how he proposed, listened to the excitement and the jolting hesitation about telling the parental units.  Heard about initial wedding plans, who she wanted to do what, and even about how many kids they had talked about.  After she had tried on a few wedding dresses that didn't much tickle her fancy, we stopped for a cool drink.  

After a few sips, she asked a question that made the excitement of the afternoon halt to a stop.  

"So, what's new with you and Wonder-Chemist?"

"Um, not much..." (mind starts racing to see if I can change the subject quickly)

"Have you seen him lately?"

"Um, not much, no..."

"Care to explain why?"

"He may have started sharing the plan for our life together that includes purchasing a house in a rural town nearby.  He's got it all figured out - not just in his head, but financially too!"

"Well that's awesome!"

"Uh... yeah!  Yeah, it's great"

The conversation died shortly after and we went back to talking about the ring on her finger, her vision of the perfect wedding dress, and what kind of veil would most suite her taste. It was a wonderful afternoon/evening and I am honestly sooooooo delighted for her.  Her and her fiance have been the best of friends for like six years and finally started dating, and are now engaged!  

However, you can always count on a sister to hear the unspoken words of your heart; I woke up this morning to an email from her with a link to The Eagles Desperado and a one liner of "Please stop punishing yourself, put your winter boots on, and climb down from the fence, for your King of Hearts is awaiting you."

It's lead to a reflective and thought provoking Sunday afternoon, at the end of which, all I can say is, "Way to go A.S.1, I am sooooooo delighted for you lil' one!"

F5: Homes, Houses, and... Holy Habitations!

This week's Friday Five, posted at RevGals, is:

As some of you may know I am in the midst of my first home purchase. It is a new-build and so some of the fun was picking out upgrades and major decor items to my taste rather than walking into a previously owned home that needed to be upgraded room by room (pink and teal tiles in the bathroom, anyone?). As much as decorating is not my thing, I did try to embrace the moment because just how many times do you get to have a do-over on kitchen cabinets/floors/countertops?  And so, my questions to you this fine Friday involve your home past, present or future...

1) If you could, what room in the place you are currently living would you redo first?

If I could redo any room in the house I'm living in, I think it would have to be the porch.  Growing up on the farm, the porch was a gathering place in the house that was never big enough; it was where farming friends would stand and chat for "just a moment" or the initial welcoming location for family and friends over for dinner or games.  And, the house in which I am currently residing, has a (for lack of a better word) pathetic front entrance.  A spot to hang one or two coats - where only one person can comfortably stand at a time.  Yup - needs some expanding!  

2) What is the most hideous feature/color/decor item you have ever seen in a home?

Hands down, this item would be an old recliner chair owned by an old seminary friend.  The chair definitely had a character of its own - but was truly an eyesore!  The material was almost a valuer fabric - and sitting it in almost brought about the hibbie-jeebies.

3) What feature do you most covet? Do you have it? If not, is it within reach?

A fireplace and hearth.  Not one of the newer, ridiculous "gas ovens", but the true wood burning fireplace.  Maybe it's just because of happy memories of a childhood spent staring at the dancing flames, but there is something cozy and comforting about wrapping up in front of the fireplace and allowing yourself to just "be".  

4) Your kitchen - love it or hate it? Why?

I am impartial to the kitchen; I love that it is a gas stove - SOOOO much easier (and cost efficient) than electric... when you turn off a pot that is about to boil over, you don't need to worry about also removing it from the element.  The gas ceases, so does the threat of running over.  :)

5) Here is $10,000 and you HAVE to spend it on the place you are living now. What do you do?

I am not sure about the cost of renovations, but I have always been a big dreamer.  If I had $10,000 to put towards this house...hm... tough one!  I think, I would spend the money wisely and pull out all the dog hair/dust/grime/germ infested carpet in the bedrooms and put hardwood or some easily washable alternative.  

BONUS: Why do you think there was such a surplus of ugly bathroom tile colors showcased in all homes built from the 1950's right through the early 80's?

Ha ha ha ha... I LOVE this question! I tried going through pictures, but was unable to find any.  My grandparents lived in a house in a local, small suburb in which their main bathroom was done in a lime green colour.  Yup - serious!  The bathtub, toilet, sink, tile... all lime green.  Of course, it had aged so it wasn't a vibrant lime green, but it was AWESOME none the less.  They have since redone it, changing the colour to white, but honestly - if they made lime green tile, tubs, and sinks now - you better believe that the entire house would be done in it.  ....not that it's my favourite colour or anything ;)

Who Says That?!

This picture made me laugh, and yes, out loud!  It's kinda cute, whatever it is, don't ya think?

So, I called my family doctor last week, knowing that I was dry out of the prescription medication that I require - and this would be the first time I've been to see her since before leaving for Eastern Canada at the end of the summer.  

Woke up this morning feeling like this cute little green guy, the roads/weather sounded horrible, and staying in bed had a certain, attractive appeal to it.  So, picking up the phone, I call my doctor's office and the conversation went something like this:

"Good morning, Sickuare Medical Clinic, how can I help you?"

"I am calling to cancel an appointment with Dr. DrugsRMyFriend for this morning"

"And what is your name?"

"Ms. ImmuneSystemBGone"

"And what is your reason for canceling this mornings appointment?"

"I'm sick"

Yup, I actually told her I was canceling because I was sick.  After a few seconds of silence, in which my face turned a shade of lovely ruby (while I'm sure she sat puzzled on the other end), I embarrassingly said, "Never mind then - I shall see you in 45 minutes for the appointment!"

Argh, chalk it up to needing to laugh at myself - that's the only I got for trying to cancel a doctor's appointment with the rationale "I'm sick".  ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... who does that?  Me, that's who!!

F5: Cabin Fever!

Singing Owl, at RevGals posted this week's Friday Five by saying, Here in snow country we are settled in to what is a very long stretch of potentially boring days. The holidays are over. It is a very long time till we will get outside on a regular basis. The snow that seemed so beautiful at first is now dirty and the snow banks are piling up. Our vehicles are all the same shade of brownish grey, but if we go to the car wash our doors will freeze shut. People get grumpy. Of course, not everyone lives in a cold climate, but even in warmer places the days till springtime can get long. Help! Please give us five suggestions for combating cabin fever and staying cheerful in our monochromatic world?

Always having lived on the Canadian prairies where cold is... well... COLD, here are my suggestions for staying warm and sane!

5) Evenings (especially Friday nights!) are best spent curled up in a blanket, with a fresh cup of my significant other, Earl G. (spot of milk), in front of the fireplace.  The preference would be to watch the local NHL team, but as they are currently on the All-Star break, I suppose it will be a favourite movie instead.  

4) Games, cards especially - the glorious advantage to the world wide web is the ability to play Canasta or Crib with long distance family or friends.  And, always a joy to meet someone new with a slightly different strategy to the game.  

3) Drag out those unsorted photos and work on putting them creatively into that album you purchased a year ago, scrapbook, or make some generic greeting cards.  Very easy to do - and everyone has magazines, old flyers, cardboard paper, and glue!  

3.5) Write in one of these greeting cards and send a friend some lovely snail mail.  It is a cheerful thing to do, and I bet it would bring some warm cheer to your recipient as well!

2) Have a hot bubble bath.  This seems to help with anything and everything, but there is nothing like getting warm all the way through on a cold winters night.  Scented bubble bath, candles, and bath salts are always an added plus!

1) The number one thing to do during these long winter months?  Make a point of point of phoning someone that you haven't spoken to since Christmas (or before).  There is nothing like a conversation with a friend to make any long and cold night, just a wee bit more pleasant.  

Hm... thanks Singing Owl!  I am cooped up inside recovering from the events of yesterday, and I was slightly grumpy about it all.  Looks like there is more that I can do from a stationary position than what I first thought... hmmm... who can I send a card to?

Letter from the Pigs

***phone ringing***



"Hello?"
"Hello Chickagale, this is God speaking"
***shocked facial expression inserted here***
"Chickagale, please close your window and get into bed and warm your lil' piggies up. My peeps can't handle letters of complaint from your pigs this week..."

Just as a point of clarification, the bold is the "booming voice of God" and the picture of feet is definitely not my own foot, but yet, an accurate representation of the lil' piggies. :D

Oh, Damn Mug of Blessed Tea!

When I got sick Nov. 06, my mum did what any parent would do for their loved, adopted child... research, research, research! In fact, it often surprised me that she knew rules about cleanliness, sterile environments, and general "good health guidelines" for chemotherapy patients before I was informed by my doctor, no kidding! However, I regret to inform you, that one of the pieces of information she read said that green tea, which is extremely high in antioxidants, was recommended for cancer patients. These natural chemicals help to flush the body of toxins that are hanging around, and when going through something like chemo, there were more toxins than my body could physically handle.

So... every morning, my mum would get up early enough to boil a kettle of water and steep a pot of this blessed green tea. I promise you, the green tea was more of a fixture in our morning struggle to get out of bed and convince myself that I wanted to live and chemo was the best method to do so, than "discussing" alternative destinations for the car to go in the morning.

Every morning... I would saunter downstairs with my backpack packed: my blanket (it rarely came out, but I needed to know it was there, just in case I had to spend the night), a book (occassionally a colouring book), my computer, ipod, and Booker the Bear (often stuck out the top). And, waiting at the bottom of the stairs was my mum - proudly holding a travel mug of that damn green tea. Most mornings, I would try to "forget" the mug on the counter before we left, but somehow, she knew. She would soon appear in the drivers seat with the darn mug full of that blessed awful tea.

To humor her, I always had to take a giant gulp (as giant as one can when it's still boiling hot) before I got out of the car each morning. I would slowly sip on it as I waited for the blood results, waited for the nurse, and waited to have the treatment start. However, as chemo does, it wasn't long before I traded that mug for a kidney basin; not having much in my stomach from the night before, and only a few bites of breakfast, my brain connected the green tea, to getting sick.

Psychologists have published numerous papers that declare taste aversion as one of the most difficult learned behaviours to break... AND, I am case in point. To this day, more than two years later, the very smell of green tea causes my stomach to churn and that lingering acidic taste to develop in my mouth. I know that logically, it doesn't make sense. My brain is fully aware of the fact that the chemo drug mix lead to the nausea and vomiting... it wasn't the green tea. And yet, at the same time, it is linking green tea with being sick.

And so, tonight, as I lay awake into the wee hours of the morning, I owe you an apology - oh damn travel mug of blessed green tea; I'm sorry... all those times I cursed you silently under my breath and wrinkled my nose at the thought of having to drink, one...more...sip... it was never your fault! But rest assured, oh green tea, I am working frantically on taste aversion reversal - so that one day, real soon, I may savour your lovely antioxidant taste!!

Author's note: As those of you who know me well already know, I have considerable difficulty sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings in a blunt, "out there" sort of fashion. I am not someone who can "let it all hang", though I am getting better at it (thanks to the HolyMitredOne who lead by example through life). Anyway, all this to say that a very, very dear friend is offering themselves as lovely company, a consoling ear and an experienced heart... and while I long to take her up on it, for my heart is heavy and my head is spinning, we would be meeting over a cup of green tea (not actual green tea, but there is another necessary component needed in order to be able to talk through it, but to that, I have a slight learned aversion, similar to the green tea). It seems that green tea is the necessary common ground, but I don't know how to say, "Please don't walk away, I just can't bring myself to drink a cup of green tea... just a little longer? I'm trying and training, for I long to be able to drink it again... really I am...